Peacock Pattern

DOes it upset you when someone can't perform a simple task, like killing a spider?

He tried to kill the spider crawling up the wall but he missed, and the thing disappeared somewhere behind the television. I threw a bag of peanuts at him as I dove for the pistol behind the couch. That was my only bag of peanuts.
I grabbed the gun, rolled sideways, and came up shooting. The first shot shattered the picture hanging on the wall behind him. The second was deadly accurate, hitting to the left of center on his forehead, blowing the back of his skull across the wall in a peacock pattern. He slumped to the ground. He was staring at me and then his left eye rolled back in his head, his right eye winking blood until it stopped suddenly, the pupil turning black.
I got to my feet and stood over him.
"I told you not to miss. I told you I have a dire fear of spiders. I told you."
I started picking up the peanuts and the phone rang. "NOW what?" I mumbled, as I headed toward the kitchen.

It was Myrtle. I'd know her voice anywhere.
"Dang you woman!" I said aggressively in a tone two notches above a stage whisper. "I told you never to call me here!"
This number was private, unlisted and I got the service using my Dead Cousin Phillip's Credit Card. Did she know? Who else knew? WHY was she calling, what could she want? And more importantly, where the hell were my pants.

As i frantically scanned the room for my polka dot printed drawls I heard her voice begin to quiver on the other end of the line. Oh how i loved it when she quivered. *thinks* Or was that Liver that i loved? In any case she was talking, and it was driving me crazy.
"Aunt Eunice is in the hospital again. She's come down with that there neumonic fever.They've admitted her and gave her some of that IV fluid stuff. I think she'll be okay though ...."
Her voice trailed off. "Dang you woman. Why must you speak in encrypted language! I don't think neumonic's a word!" I mused. "Where's the dictionary!?"
"And that rheumatodis is flarin' up agiain..." she said matter of factly.
"What was she saying," I thought anxiously, "What could it all mean?"
And then BAM! It hit me like an all you can eat burrito buffet on a Sunday Morning.
That damned spider was still alive. I reached for my pistol but it wasn't there! Frantically i scan the room .... it was on the coffee table. HOW did it get there? No time to think, my blood was running cold. I must kill the arachnid before it kills me.
I reached for my sausage and ...............

TO BE CONTINUED.

xoxo

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AvFulhlEV0DE7UP5rKWyvErsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090124002727AA32Upa

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