Weeping Gold

Critique my latest poem?

The Tyrant

Caesar strides out upon the road, elegant; bejeweled.
The sun is his lamp, the flowers his perfume,
Africa and Gallia his gardens, that he ruled;
Wedded to an empire in its youth, in bloom.
Caesar lies upon the linens of dormancy,
Contemplating the spillage of righteous blood;
Outside, the squalor of Rome teems ruinously,
The hordes of poor weeping gold, as they could.
Tempests of lightning and thunder stride out on the sea,
Wreaking the hulls and bones of Rome’s behemoths,
Dashed against the isles, where the mist burns brightly, sickly,
In the pale gleam of Celtic frost and zeniths.

O ignoble Caesar, inglorious czar; tyrant,
Brutal lord with gold enthroned, bearing a thief’s pennant.

very good, if perhaps a little verbose. the prolixity i suppose befits a roman emperor, but i think at least the final rhyming couplet should be a bit more punchy and less tangled, because in many ways it is the final two lines which... anneals the whole sonnet.

also, are we talking about julius caesar? you think he was an unmitigated tyrant? i feel like i should defend him! et tu, tyrante! :-)

truly though, anyone who can construct a sonnet and use that kind of language, theatricality and brooding imagery has some serious talent.

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